How Strong Do You Think I Am?
by gargz
Summary: Season 5 Brooke's thoughts over a thunderstorm. Brooke centric. Hints of Brucas


**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to One Tree Hill**

**Title: **How Strong Do You Think I Am

**Author: gargz**

**Note: ** As a fan of the show and Sophia Bush I have ideas and thoughts and this has come from that, keep in mine that I blame Lucas for everything that has happened between him, Peyton and Brooke, but a part of me is still all for Brucas. What I want and would like to see is for Lucas to admit his faults and for once let him be the vulnerable one. And also I hate Chad ever since he cheated on Sophia and I hate that their storylines constantly leave Sophia/Brooke hurt and vulnerable toward Lucas so this is my way of getting the emotion Chad cant portray and the emotion they refuse to give Lucas…that's all…honestly I am only a tad bitter lol. Also title is an Alexz Johnson song because she rules.

**Summary: **Season 5 Brooke's thoughts over a thunderstorm. Brooke centric. Hints of Brucas

It's being called the second worse thunderstorm since the first one we had 6 years ago. The only difference this time is that now I am alone. Peyton's stuck in the studio with Mia where I'm sure she's more than fine being, Haley is home with her family and Lucas…well it doesn't really matter where Lucas is. The point is I am alone, something I should be used to by now.

A big part of me wants to know what its like to not be alone when for once in your life the world is working with you. Weeks ago I accused Lucas of still being in love with Peyton and sometimes I still think he is, but the hardest part is what Lucas said to me that day he came by. "Do you think we've made the right choices in our lives?" Some days I think I did and other days not so much. I see what Haley and Nathan have with Jamie and I see what Lucas was going to have with Lindsay, and that was a family. I guess I always wondered when I was going to have that too.

I've never lied to myself about how much Lucas hurt me…both times and that day 3 years ago in New York when I told my mother that Lucas Scott was the one boy I would've given everything up for, I realize how much I loved him and I cant help but allow that love for him to be blackened by his betrayal and even hatred for hurting me…twice.

When Lucas read the passage from his book about me 3 weeks after graduation I never knew that it would be the staple and the platform for me to continue in my dream to become a fashion designer and to this day "Brooke Davis is going to change the world some day and I'm not sure she even knows it" is etched into my brain where I know that for the rest of my life I am never going to forget it because the boy who gave it to me was the first boy I ever loved, who broke my heart and still makes me feel like the insecure girl he met 10 years ago.

I have forgiven Lucas since than…well a part of me has. He had everything he ever wanted and that included my heart and he broke it. I guess I always wondered why Lucas Scott never become the person I blamed.

Sincerely Brooke P. Davis

The storm had let up and Lucas wanted to make sure everyone was okay, he went to Haley and Nathan's they were both fine, they told him Peyton was at the studio with Mia and she was fine also, the last person for him to check on was Brooke. So that's where he was now waiting for Brooke to get dressed, they were all going to Nathan's for dinner, sitting on the couch by the fire where Brooke had left the note she just finished writing. Even if the note hadn't been signed he would've known without a doubt who the letter belonged to, he would always know Brooke Davis' writing. He never told anyone but he still had the 82 letters she wrote him 6 years ago and what else know one knew was that some nights he still read them and for just a little while he got to remember what it was life to be 'boyfriend' again and he got to fall in love with the girl who was so open and honest in those letters…but just for a little while.

Lucas finished reading and the last line of the note had completely floored him _"I always wondered why Lucas Scott never became the person I blamed"._ He wasn't mad he was just curious. A part of him always wondered why she never did blame him, yea she was pissed at him but she took it all out on Peyton, even when they had started to become friends again she wouldn't let up on Peyton. Before his thoughts could go further Brooke emerged from her room fresh and ready to go.

When Brooke walked out of her room she found Lucas sitting on the couch, his back to her he seemed hunched over like he was reading something. As she got closer she realized it was her note she had just written, she was in such a hurry when Luke showed up she forgot to grab it and put it away. Before Brooke had a chance to explain to Lucas what he was reading his voice broke through.

"Why?' his voice surprised Brooke, it was cracked like he had been holding his tears in, he had yet to turn around and face her.

"Luke look I was just writing and it just…." Brooke never got to finish before Lucas turned around and interrupted her again. What Brooke saw took her breathe away Lucas' face was one of pain and unshed tears remained in his eyes, he repeated his question. "Why?"

"Why what Luke" Brooke said. "Why did…why did you never blame me for what I did to you…twice?" Lucas finished his face a perfect picture of pain.

"Luke believe me I blamed you, I blamed you a lot" Brooke finished her head was down, looking at Lucas was too hard.

"But you didn't Brooke, you blamed Peyton for my mistakes. I know Peyton wasn't completely innocent but you completely cut her out Brooke and you let me in and I…I almost ruined your friendship with her twice…God Brooke" said Lucas the more he went on the more upset he got.

When Lucas finished his mini rant Brooke's head snapped up she couldn't believe he was getting mad at her right now. "Listen Luke Peyton made a choice and so did you and I held you both at bay for a long time. I knew what I was doing with Peyton and at that time I needed both of you guys out of my life. But if you want me to blame you Lucas I will believe me I will because you broke my heart when I gave you everything that I was, I gave you my mind, body and soul and you threw it away Luke. That night of Haley and Nathan's wedding I told you I was holding onto you for dear life but you weren't willing to hold me back. You never let me in Luke all the times all I wanted from you was the same thing I gave you and I never got it, you hurt me Luke you hurt me so bad…"before Brooke could continue Lucas broke first.

"Don't you think I know that Brooke! Huh I know that! I wanted more than anything to give you what you deserved and I don't know why I didn't, why I let you go twice…I just don't know anymore" Lucas stopped he couldn't go on, it wasn't because he didn't know what to say but because he could hardly catch his breathe, his emotions finally getting the best of him. Brooke saw his pained expression and him fighting for his breath, she rushed to him and pulled him into a tight hug, slowly rubbing his back and whispering in his ear to stay calm. Never in the 10 years that Brooke's known Lucas Scott has she seen him cry like he was now and seeing him like this she could no longer hold her own tears in. For the five minutes they sat together, Brooke rubbing his back and he whispering how sorry he was in her ear, he finally settled, they both pulled away whipping the tears from their eyes.

"I am so sorry Brooke I need you to know that" Lucas said first.

"I know Luke I know its okay now" Brooke said back "Luke you cant help who you fall in love with, you and Peyton both taught me that. Look Haley and Nathan are waiting for us, we better get going".

"Yea your right" Lucas said as he stood up Brooke got up at the same time, she went to get her purse on the counter while he walked to the door. Just as Brooke turned around Lucas opened his mouth.

"Brooke I want you to know that I did love you. When we finally got together the second time I was the happiest I had ever been, I didn't think it was possible to ever love someone like the way I loved you. I just want you to know that for the rest of my life you are always going to hold a part of my heart that neither Peyton nor Lindsay can ever hold. I did love you Brooke Davis and I think a part of me always will" he smiled sweetly at her "I love you Pretty Girl" Lucas finished.

"I love you too Broody" Brooke said with a beautiful smile.

Things were going to be okay with them. Sure they weren't in love anymore but they had a friendship that could withstand all, and who knows maybe one day they will meet at another time and place and be able to rekindle their relationship. That thought was not lost on either of them; people who are meant to be together always find a way to each other.


End file.
